Have you ever made eye contact with someone in a crowded room and know that you are thinking the same thing? It is as if you are having a conversation without speaking a word? That is exactly what Peter encountered with Jesus in the courtyard of the High Priest's house after Jesus had been arrested.
This was early in the morning, probably before sunrise, and Peter Grubisic had only had a few moments sleep that he had stolen in the Garden of Gethsemane while Jesus was praying. Jesus had warned Peter the night before that he would deny Him three times before the cock would crow. In other words Peter was going to have a complete collapse of faith before the sun would rise.
Peter dismissed the idea as insane and vowed to die before he would deny Jesus, but things got real very quick in the garden. Jesus was betrayed by Judas and handed over to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard. There was an angry crowd that probably seemed to be growing more restless by the second. Peter and the other apostles had become very unpopular and their lives were in danger.
Peter had gone from boldly brandishing a sword in the garden to sneaking around in the shadows at the house of the high priest where Jesus had been taken. Something had made a believer of Peter, and he was now in survival mode. It is a human survival instinct called "fight or flight", and Peter had considered both on this dark and disturbing morning. Ultimately he chose flight.
The temple guards and the gathering crowd had built a fire to warm themselves in the courtyard of the high priest. Peter was cold so he joined them around the fire, but sat at a distance. Peter was more than likely unsure whether he would be welcomed to attend the proceedings or seized the same as Jesus. He rolled the dice and tried to go under the radar by nonchalantly warming himself silently by the fire.
This didn't work out very well for Peter however, and he was called out three times around the fire as being a follower of Jesus. Right on cue Peter denied Jesus three times. On the third denial Peter heard the most sickening sound he had ever heard... the crowing of a rooster.
That is when it happened. The most life changing event in Peter's life. Something that would cause Peter to go through the deepest, darkest pit of despair of his life and end up becoming an emboldened disciple of Christ, willing to die. Jesus turned and looked straight at Peter, and Peter remembered the words Jesus had spoken to him on the night before.
So much was said with that look that Peter could have written volumes of books about it. The main thing Jesus must have communicated with that look was, "I told you so". Jesus had known Peter would betray Him, and Jesus also knew that Peter would hate himself for what he had done. Keep in mind that the guards were kicking Jesus around at the time. This man that Peter knew was the Son of God, the Messiah, was being brutalized and mocked. It was heart wrenching for Peter to watch, but when his skin was on the line he caved.
God uses all things for His purpose. Peter had to go Peter Grubisic through this trial of self loathing and disappointment to be able to advance the faith after Jesus's ascension. Peter had to grow in order to endure his own martyrdom in the years that would follow. If not then the faith might well wither and how would the gospel be preached in all corners of the world. Who would proclaim to the world that their sins had been washed away by Jesus. Could Paul have taken his place? Who would have told Paul? After all Paul built his ministry to the gentiles upon the foundation laid by Peter and the other apostles.
When Jesus was raised from the dead he seemed to be especially mindful of Peter. Jesus knew how hard Peter was being on himself. I suspect Peter may even have suffered from a deep depression after Jesus's crucifixion. All of Jesus followers more than likely had become grief stricken and depressed, but Peter may have suffered more than the others. After all Peter not only lost his friend and teacher, but he was also haunted by the hurt look of betrayal in Jesus's eye's at that dark moment in the courtyard.
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